and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
