i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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