I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
