I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
