it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
