Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
