Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
