It's like a parade of train wrecks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
