$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
