I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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