sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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