We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
