Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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