went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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