FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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