a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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