the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
