I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's blow job season.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
