dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
