im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
