Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
