If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
