Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The power of my boobs compel you
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
