Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
