pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
