I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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