New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
