Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
