I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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