people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Boobs speak an international language.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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