tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
