I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
