I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
