the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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