Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
