We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
