you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
