im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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