Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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