Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
