is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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