i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
