Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
