I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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