you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
