Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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