At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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