I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
