I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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