i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
